The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
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