a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
oh god was she eating orange peels again
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think people are normalizing furries
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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