I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
