Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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