that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
