we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
