Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my sisters under your porch take her home
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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