Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Do vagina's smell?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
