those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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