My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
