its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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