I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
