you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
