i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
