is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
