It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
