no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
