can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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