I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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