well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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