Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
