she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
