She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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