I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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