If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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