I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
