We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
