went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
