you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
