I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's rum buckets o'clock
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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