if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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