oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
