the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
