May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
