I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
