Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
