is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
