somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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