DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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