whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
