one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
