somebody snuck up and got me drunk
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
did i just pee glitter
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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