I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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