I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
