nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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