I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
