just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
