Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
