the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
