you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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